


Five Questions Veronica wishes she had asked Lily

by VivWiley



Category: Veronica Mars (TV)
Genre: 5 Things, Gen, Season 1 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-20
Updated: 2013-04-20
Packaged: 2017-12-08 23:35:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/767394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VivWiley/pseuds/VivWiley
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>From an old 5 things challenge that was floating around. My prompt was "5 things that Veronica really wishes she'd asked Lily," so pretty much what it says on the label.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Questions Veronica wishes she had asked Lily

She hasn't "seen" or dreamed about Lilly in a while now, and she misses her. In a way, she knows she'll always miss her. The phantom voice giggling with her through the night - telling secrets that seemed so grown up and vital at the time. Secrets that Veronica now realizes were nothing at all; mere trifles and whims masquerading as important. They have all graduated to the real world. And in a few of her darker nights, Veronica wonders how Lilly would have fared in that world.

Without phantom Lilly, Veronica feels a just little lonelier, aware that something small, but significant is missing; as though a particular shade of red has vanished from her world.

She plays a game with herself, during stake outs, or long drives. If you could ask anyone any three questions what would they be? She had a bunch of questions for George Clooney all involving things her father definitely wouldn't approve of; then she made the mistake of doing the math and realizing that her father and George aren't all that far apart in age. She now has three questions for Jake Gyllenhaal, but it really isn't quite the same. There are also questions she has for Lindsey Lohan, but she's very sure that Lindsay wouldn't understand the word "restraint." Well, not in the way that Veronica would mean it.

But after the brief round of fantasy celebrity questions, and the questions for her mother which are really all a variation of "Why?" and "Why?" and "Why?", Veronica always finds herself coming back to Lilly. What questions could she have asked that might have prevented the tragedy, or at least helped make the aftermath clearer? Trying to figure out what three questions might unlock the myriad mysteries that had been left behind.

It's an SAT problem from hell, an attempt to put boundaries around a set of memories and circumstances that aren't ever going to be easily contained, or understood. And when there is nothing left but questions, it's important that you have the right questions.

She stares out the window at the motel she's been watching. Nothing has happened behind the windows of room 215 for quite some while. She hopes that maybe Mrs. Farmingham and the mysterious Mr. C are simply waiting for their take out to arrive. But humans being what they are, she seriously doubts that theory. It's a shame really. Mr. Farmingham had seemed like such a nice man when he showed up at their offices. On the seat next to her, Backup shifts and sighs in his sleep. She scratches his ears absently and thinks about Lilly some more.

She realizes that she's starting to confuse Lilly when she was alive and Phantom Lilly. And it's her own game, after all, so she arbitrarily decides that she's allowed to ask Lilly five questions. Three questions from...before, and two after...

The first question always begins with "Why didn't you tell me..." but the end of that sentence changes over the months and year that followed Lilly's murder. At first it was "Why didn't you tell me about Weevil?" But that changed to the much bigger "Why didn't you tell me about Aaron?" And in the end, it just comes down to "Why didn't you tell me?" Somehow, Veronica thinks, Lilly will know what the question means, and how to answer it.

There is a question about Logan and how could Lilly have done that to Logan. The "that" in the question changes, as Veronica's understanding of the girl who had been her best friend changes; as she comes to terms with the knowledge of Weevil and then Aaron. But the question remains the same. She tries not to think too much of what Lilly might ask her about her own "that" with Logan.

The third question is tricky, and has changed again and again. For a while Veronica couldn't shake the straight-up "ewwww" factor and had to ask "How could you with do that with Aaron?" But that became less important, as the past recedes. And Veronica realizes that Aaron was really a symptom of her real question for Lilly. That piece of Lily that Veronica never really understood, but always wanted to. She wants to ask her "How did you manage it? Being such a free spirit? What gave you that courage?"

She might have understood Lilly if they had had more time. But they didn't. And in the world Veronica finds herself inhabiting, she wonders if Lilly would understand her now. She wonders what Lilly would make of the world and all that happened. Of course, some things wouldn't have happened, or might not have happened. But Veronica has read enough science fiction to think that some things might simply have been inevitable.

So she has to ask Lilly, "Can you believe that you're an aunt?" She wants to ask that question so desperately. To tease Lilly and call her 'Auntie.' It won't ever happen. She probably won't even ever be able to joke with Duncan about it. But the question still makes her smile.

There's another question left, but she really doesn't have it just yet. It's there, somewhere in the middle of her mind. Waiting to find its way through the maze of the past and present and all that came between.

The door to room 214 opens suddenly and she picks up her camera and takes the shots she knew she would get - Mrs. F in her quite mussed lingerie bidding a lingering farewell to a disheveled Mr. C. She can't suppress her sigh. She shoots off the final frame and then carefully replaces the lens cap and puts the camera away.

"Time to go home, Backup." Or maybe, she thinks, time to swing by the ice cream place on the way home.

As she drives through the slowly darkening evening, she hears the high laughter of a girl washing through her window. Out of the corner of her eye, she sees the flash of a blond hair swinging around a corner. "Oh Lilly," she thinks, "Do you know how much I miss you?"


End file.
